Insomnia.

Is a big, fat, energetic bitch. She never wants to sleep or let me go to sleep. I've pleaded and pleaded and pleaded. And even though it's 4:00am on an early Tuesday morning, she still won't let me drift asleep.

So I'll write about her. I'll write about her until she logs onto her computer and reads this, and finally lets me go to bed.

I wonder if she realizes that we have to get up early tomorrow for class. I wonder if she cares. I wonder if she'll stick some extra money in my wallet for Starbucks when the middle of my day hits and my eyes feel like they're holding bricks.

She keeps bringing up topics that I don't want to talk about let alone think about. Like love. Love lost. People who have the love that I lost. Jobs that I wish I had. Career paths that want to take. The fear I have for the drastic changes I want to make after graduation. Friendships.

Love. Love lost. People who have the love that I lost. Things about me that I wish I could change. Things about me that I don't want to change. I wonder if Insomnia knows that I don't want to think about these things.

I wonder why she chooses 4am to bring them up? Why not at 11am when I'm in African American Literature, dozing off at the professor who holds miles of enthusiasm for a topic I hold NO INTEREST IN.

Why can't Insomnia wait until then?

Does Insomnia know that she makes me cry?

I don't want to be awake. I want to suppress my problems and face them when the sun is up. It's always easier to face the darkness when the sun is on my side. But darkness in darkness? I don't wanna do it. Does Insomnia know how much I don't want to think about this stuff?

Love. Love lost. People who have the love that I lost. Or maybe the Like that I lost. My future. My life.

I wonder if Insomnia knows that she's making me cry?

She might. She might not. But my guess is she does. But she still won't let me go to sleep.

Why?

Because she's a big, fat, energetic.....BITCH.