Soulmate.

"People think a soul mate is your perfect fit, and that’s what everyone wants. But a true soul mate is a mirror, the person who shows you everything that is holding you back, the person who brings you to your own attention so you can change your life. A true soul mate is probably the most important person you’ll ever meet, because they tear down your walls and smack you awake. A soul mates purpose is to shake you up, tear apart your ego a little bit, show you your obstacles and addictions, break your heart open so new light can get in, make you so out of control that you have to transform your life…"

-Elizabeth Gilbert

To my one and only... Everyday I thank God for placing you in my life. For showing me what a soul mate TRULY is, and allowing you to be that help-mate in my life. Let's grow together, as we allow God to continue to shape us into the what he wants us to be...for Him as well as each other.

ily.

..and so it ends... the summer that connected our skies and brought us together, but even though this chapter has ended the next will be even better

- Jeremiah Hall

Love Me.

I have hasty emotions. I drunk text, and often regret it. I'm sensitive. I'm the queen of 'dishing it out, but can't take it.' In the midst of my womanly confidence, somewhere you'll find an insecure toddler. I say 'I'm Fine' when I'm really not. I'm an impulse buyer. I'll spend my last on shoes. I yo-yo diet. 'Procrastination' is my middle name. I'm easily annoyed. I love hard. I get those 'time-of-the-month' pimples when it's not 'that time of the month.' I love my boyfriend, but I'm having an affair with food. I've cheated on tests. I drink lattes... everyday. I've allowed others to change me. I pursue what sometimes has no potential. I give second chances. Third chances. Fourth chances. I trust everyone. I'm a selfish lover. I'm spoiled. I dwell on the past. I cry often. I'll ask you not to do to me the very thing I'll do to you, and justify it by saying, 'I know MY intentions'. I just learned how to balance friendships. I color my hair at least once a month. I care a lot more than I should. I lock myself out of my car...frequently. I sometimes snoop through people's phones. I say I'll stop cursing, but some things just sound better when you throw one in there....bitch. I'll spend an hour just refreshing my Twitter page. I love to write, but I neglect my blogsite from time to time. I daydream everyday about what I WANT to be, when I should be using that time actually making it happen. I try my hardest to make EVERYONE happy, even if it means I'm miserable. I'm indecisive. I worry.......a lot.

Even with a million and one reasons not to.........

.......will you still love me?

I Need Clearance....

How do you know when you're making the right decision? How do you know when and when to not follow your heart?

....Or should you always follow your heart? When it comes to life and love, I try to have an even blend of logics and what my heart feels, but my heart always overpowers.

Am I wrong because I like it that way? I believe in giving both people and things the benefit of the doubt. I pursue something so long as my heart still desires it. That's who I am, that's who I've always been. But is this the right way to live?

I Need Clearance....

I Need Clearance........

I need a better understanding of this thing called life. When does playing by your own rules transform into playing dumb? Are there REALLY rules that one needs to adhere to when it comes to life and love?

I Need Clearance...

I want to hear from God. I NEED to hear from God. But I don't know if what I hear is really God, or my insecurities about life...

I Need Clearance....

Maybe God will send me a sign, like a burning bush, or a flood, or a plague....but that's highly unlikely, right? I've been raised in the church, and even still, I can't decipher God's voice completely. I know, it's bad to say, but I'm just being honest.

I have unanswered questions in life, and as much as I rely on following my heart, sometimes people make me feel as if I'm wrong...or could be wrong.

But what about what I want?? I'm confused......

I Need Clearance......from SOMEBODY.

Or do I?

I'm content with playing the prescriptive role in my own life....

I'll Give Myself Clearance.

Mute.

I have been itching to blog. Scratchin'. Yearning! But....nothing. So much has happened in my life in the past few months, and so many emotions have run through my head, but still, NOTHING. My best posts seem to come when I'm down and out, hurting from Love.

Love lost.

Maybe even a "Like" lost.

But now, on June 11th, at 10:40pm, I'm not hurting. I'm not down or out.

I'm happy.

I'm probably the happiest I've ever been in my life. I've traded in my life of confusion, instability, and the constant seraching for void-fillers for a certain, unwavering, fulfilled life.

So, I need to get used to grabbing inspiration from the positive aspects of my life and no longer harbor all of the negative emotions and energy.

I believe that soon I'll get the inspiration to blog like I used to, because it's my heart, my love, my LIFE. But right now......

I'm mute.

I'm starting to believe that there's no one you can trust with your personal business. I understand why people stay so private. Even the closest of people don't need to know what's going on in your life.

Ode to A Delicate Gaines.

Victoria, Vic, Delicate, Deli,

So it finally hit me, and I finally broke down. I promised myself I wouldn't cry, but it's been really hard for me these past couple of hours, as you could see. I just can't believe it's here. I'm sooo not ready to say goodbye to my sister, best friend, FIRST JMU friend, roommate, and SOULmate. Delicate Gaines, you have meant so much to me ever since the first day I met you. You're such an amazing human being, and I can't and don't want to imagine life without you next year. I'm so proud of the woman you've become in these past 3 years, and I can't wait to see the woman you'll grow to be. My JMU experience wouldn't have been what it has without you by my side EVERY SINGLE DAY, even if it's through Skype when you're right upstairs. I can't thank God enough for placing you in my life and blessing you with such a beautiful, caring, and genuine spirit that brightens even the darkest of my days. I love you, Deli, and I'll never forget the bond we've built and the memories we've made. It's true what they say. You don't come to college to find your husband, you come to find your bridesmaids. Well, you have a guaranteed spot in my wedding! I love you BEST FRIEND! *cheeeeeez*

Love,

Bananuh. :)